I took my eldest on a University tour yesterday and one of the highlights was a presentation by a very animated professor with a great sense of humour. One of the lowlights was a residence tour by Jacob, first year Engineering student.
Jacob’s voice was so familiar from my University days; one part very late night, one part pack of smokes, one part bottle of vodka. It was Saturday at noon after all – which means he likely just got up from last night.
Jacob walked us to what he thought was his single room on the 3rd floor- unfortunately it was a triple room on the second floor- he opened the door and in the blackness it was clear there were 8 people asleep in there – the room thick with hangover and mistakes and question marks about who had slept with who.
When we finally got to his room he said sorry “I still can’t find my way around this residence”
so are you getting to many classes Jacob?
Jacob laughed and showed us the communal kitchen which he called a train wreck due to the sloppiness of his floormates. Some parents looked into the kitchen- others were too fearfull. It was a bit like road kill -I was afraid to look but felt compelled to.
Next he took us to the lounge that they all shared on the floor. ” Someone brought in X BOX – so I am finding it hard to pull myself away to get to class”
“Don’t be alarmed by the bathrooms folks. They are unisex.” We walked in and there was garbage and water everywhere, as though it had been both vandalised in a drunken stupor and been the location of a full on water fight the night before.
“This concludes the residence tour” he says adding-“Get a meal card, even I can’t rely on girls cooking for me on this floor. ”
We walked out quietly.
Maturity apparently comes from moment as a parent when you want to say SO much, yet you wait, biting your cheeks, letting your teenager say it first.
A friend and I were talking at a cocktail party this week and he said
“Are you seeing anyone? I would like to introduce you to a friend at work”
I took him by the hand and said- “I can’t tell you how much I love that so much more than me saying to you
“Do you know anyone?”
My mom and I have been talking about how our whole lives we have known women who have said, within the first breath of a conversation, “Do you know anyone?”
And I think I might rather die than ever ask that to anyone who will listen.
Besides isn’t the question “Do you know anyone who would be my type? Who you could see with me, who you think is special and interesting and, hey -doesn’t this go without saying- is no longer married in any way”
It is never just “anyone”.
Do you know anyone sounds desperate and ready to sweep the floor with a big broom with hope that any dust kicking around down there might get picked up.
So if you ever hesitate to say this to me or any other single person – DON”T. It means in your busy life you have considered us well and thought of us for someone you like and hold in high regard.
If we are busy with someone, we will be flattered. If we are free, then it will be interesting.
Consider it a very UN- random act of kindness.