life is short

“Life is short, running makes it longer”

When I first heard this I laughed- thinking about how I feel running makes things longer in an evil way- painful, hard, even gruelling. But this morning early while the sky spit on me, and the roads were dark and spooky,  the day  was fresh and new and stood in front of me still ready for what I was going to do with it.

I slowed my  mind down as I ran and thought about all of life and nothing and just my body doing what it was doing for me and only me.

And I thought life is short and this is a luxury.

And I can’t believe I just said that.

But here is the real truth of why running is so fine- this was our breakfast (I had two because the first one was too short)

click here for another fave quote – it is Wedesday after all

pre marital hex

 

Anyone I have talked to about their split, has mentioned that there were signs before they married that it might not go so well.

Some of us thought it was cold feet.

But the hex is on- firstly we are generally young and naive, life is fairly simple and no real issues have come up. We adore the other person and the whole things is washed with a soft fuzzy lens of well, stupidity at times. It is a magic spell or premarital hex.

I was at my cottage with a group of 8 women a few years ago and there was no water. It was the middle of winter. We are an odd group who favour both daily showering and washing dishes in something more accessible than melted and boiled snow.One friend said -“it was interesting to see how everyone reacted”

In your 20’s you don’t get a chance to see what job loss, infidelity, illness, aging parents, death of a loved one, a major move, a financial hit, and emotional strain has on the union.

My cousin used to take all of his girlfriends winter camping in Algonquin Park. The one who did the best he asked to marry him. A coincidence? Not sure.

According to  a source,  premarital counselling reduces the risk of divorce by 30%.What one person needs is never necessarily what the other needs so the counselling also focusses on asking for what you need.

If you are unsure if you need it in your relationship- ask yourself these questions cited in an article by Steph Auteri-

  • Do you know each other’s financial history, and have you worked out a plan for handling finances going forward?
  • How important is religion to both of you, and how will you honor your faiths going forward? If you plan to have children, what kind of religious education will they receive?
  • What are the differences in how you were raised? How might these differences affect your marriage?
  • How sexually compatible are you? What are your expectations when it comes to the bedroom?
  • Are you in agreement about plans regarding children? What about careers? Living situation?
  • Do you share the same core values?
  • What are your expectations of marriage, and does your partner share those expectations?
  • How do the two of you handle disagreements?
  • How will the two of you negotiate any future roadblocks that may unexpectedly pop up, like job-loss, caring for an ailing parent or financial difficulty?
I would add a few too-
What does trust  and honesty mean to you?
How are we going to take care of each other- day to day- and in times of distress?
How will we honour each other in our actions every day?
What is day to day life going to look like for us- time together, shared tasks, shared hobbies?
How much do you value time alone and  time apart?
How important are friendships to you?
What do you want people to say about you when you die?

This last question, is a motivator for me. It is not supposed to sound dark – it is just something that I try to think of when I am living and choosing my behavior. Click here for more about how I feel about “what do you want people to say about you when you die

flow

Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity.

According to Csíkszentmihályi, flow is completely focused motivation. It is a single minded immersion and represents perhaps the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning. In flow, the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand. To be caught in the ennui of depression or the agitation of anxiety is to be barred from flow. The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture, while performing a task although flow is also described (below) as a deep focus on nothing but the activity – not even oneself or one’s emotions. 

Colloquial terms for this or similar mental states include: to be on the ball, in the moment,present, in the zone, wired in, in the groove, or keeping your head in the game.”

                                                                          (as found in Wikipedia)
This can be a singular simple activity like a walk on a beautiful fall day, or a difficult task which both involve complete focus on where you are and what you are doing.

This seems like a good time  to remind all of us that multi tasking is the enemy of flow. I am working hard at this.

Flow was noted as a primary need to ensure happiness in a wonderful and provocative new film I watched this past week. Click here to understand more of how to ensure happiness, where it comes from and what feeds it