X carbon (copy) footprint

When you date after separation you may date the carbon copy of your X. It can be spooky the way you see a man marry a perfect copy of his first wife. Peculiar too because they went to all that trouble and pain to get just the same thing. Sometimes she too is looking to replace that man she once had.

Equally frequent but not as surprising, you may date/marry someone who is the exact opposite to your first husband/ wife.

If your husband was adoring you may date someone who acts as though if you stepped off the edge of the planet they would not bat an eye. If he was affectionate, you might date a cold fish. If he was artistic maybe you will be drawn to an accountant. If he was a banker you might seek out a comedian, a musician or an unemployed poet. If he never told you that  you were beautiful, you might love a man full of praise. If he took care of everything, you might look to take care of someone. If she overly nurtured and was predictable and steady, you might love a woman who is a free spirit and a loose cannon.

This opposite has a safety to it and an intrigue. It is not what you once knew, not what took you down the last time.

A woman I know was married to a very handsome man with some nasty traits and habits. When she first began dating she was drawn only to the ugly. Their physical unattractiveness protected her in a most unusual way.  She found a beauty in each , as you do, until finally her friends said ” Jo, you don’t have to date ugly men, attractive ones will not necessarily hurt you”.

Sometimes you hide behind a relationship with limitations because it is so safe there, where it will never be asked of you to give more than you can or more than you are ready to.

Sometimes you believe your heart is wide open and trusting until you find out that maybe it is not quite so.

Sometimes that is your very worst fear, that it might be broken after all,that the X footprint on your heart is indelible and irreversible.

speaking of taking risks as we must do in life and in love, I met one heck of a risk taker this morning. Click here for his story

not yet

 

 

Did you know that in Bali when you ask someone if they are married they respond in one of two ways only

“yes”

or

“not yet”

I have been reading Keith Richards bio,Life, this week  and I can’t help but think of him when I look at this – I know I have a bizarre imagination (it seems he needed major drugs just to get to my normal) but I am going to share it anyway because I have had one perfect glass of cold chardonnay on the deck with the very late afternoon sun and all of it makes sense right now

vacations erase

the best thing about vacations is that they erase

They erase the life you know, they erase habits, they erase routine, they erase diet, regime,schedule and  things we take for granted.

Vacations shake things up and calm things down

Vacations make us aware of what we love, who we miss, what we want to toss out, what we want to bring in.

Vacations change us because they scatter us into the far corners of ourselves and erase everything we know.

Vacations let you dream differently and  breathe differently.

Vacations return you back to your life with fresh eyes and renewed spirit.

You never know how badly you need them until you take them.

I needed this one  and seem to be good after all at flatlining and doing very little. I am enjoying every minute of it. My mom and I had the chat that we always do. Click here for it