how am I doing?

This is a different question to ask but an excellent one. The funny thing about being ourselves is that we have a terrible time with objectivity on how we ourselves are doing.

Truth be known, in times of stress,distress, challenge or even good fortune, we must ask this question. Advice must never be requested by someone we do not admire or someone who does not know us really really well. They must be good people who only want what is best for us but who will not beat around the bush. Tell me what I don’t want to hear, is a good place to start.

Asking “how am I doing?” is not a grab for flattery from a lack of self confidence, but rather a sign of  great confidence. By opening  ourselves up to criticism, we are affirming we want to be our best and check ourselves at every difficulty or change of staus quo.

Tiger and Brittany can’t ever seem to get the straight goods on themselves. They likely don’t ask and their people are loathe to tell the costly truth.

I learned about this question from one of my leading mentors-my mom. When my father was diagnosed with Dementia 11 years ago, they decided together, his faculties, self respect  and ego very intact at that point, to not tell anyone. He did not want to be enabled or pitied. With  time it became her lonely burden carrying an emotional and physical strain. She was impossibly graceful, strong, hopeful and joyful.

Earlier this month, on his 77th birthday to be exact, he was moved into a long term care facility. He will not go home.

She was a daughter and then  with a wedding and  a short car ride, a  wife of 50 years, with dogs (unwanted), children (wanted-mainly), grandchildren (extremely wanted), goldfish, turtles, hamsters and a winter of mice.

She has never once lived by herself until now.

She frequently asks “how am I doing?”

Spectacularly beautifully.

check out my other blog post on COMING HOME  by clicking on this.

4 thoughts on “how am I doing?

    • jennifer- I am curious- do you ask your most trusted this question? I find it revolutionary but I am not sure it occurs to many.

  1. Love all your blogs so much! I love this and i know the people who I need to ask. I always like it when people say what you don’t want to hear. it never hurts me . I am so hard on myself anyway that I love that they say 1/10th of what i would say to myself. This is such good advise . I can’t believe how well you write and the way you think Nancy. Waiting for the Nancy Jone’s Diary.”
    Thanks so much,
    Sue

    • sue- thanks for that’d Happy anniversary I think! I remember E telling me a highlight of the summer was your wedding! wonderful! I would love to interview you on second marriages one day……..or at least have coffee.

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