letting go

I drove my oldest daughter to camp this weekend for the 8th time. 8 Years ago, when the trip was made for the first time, I had to meet the counsellors and assistant counsellors  and SEE THE WHITES OF THEIR EYES and see whether they were the type of people who might comfort her and rub her back if she was homesick. I  met  all the cabin mates and wondered were they nice and kind enough to have her around them for two weeks. I looked at the waterfront and thought about fun and beautiful sunsets she would see and maybe for a second about drowning. I looked at the mess hall and thought about nutrition- white bread or brown? Would they make them eat veggies?  Is that really a box of Lucky Charms over there?

When it rained at any point during that time she was away, I wondered if she was dry. When it was hot and sunny- are you wearing sunscreen and drinking lots of water? You know how you get migraines.

At night I hoped she was warm enough and getting enough sleep and not feeling one ounce lonely.

It was two weeks only and I got better at it as we all do as  time went on.

On Saturday this year, I dropped her off for the whole summer. She is working there.

I still tried to do that thing that I have tried to do for 8 years. I hang up her bathrobe and towel and start making her bed. I get a rash thinking she might be at any point touch the camp mattress with her bare skin. I put the shoes in the cubby and the rain boots by the door. She says “please mom” two times and I ignore her. And then finally- she gets mad, her kind of mad- which is the kindest of mads but I know it when I see it- and I say “sorry” and laugh and go outside onto her porch and look at her little pretty view of the lake right there so close so she can hear the water when she sleeps. And I think- you are about to have another amazing experience and I can barely stand how excited I am for you.

It is like all these moments of motherhood are the same. You are so so happy for them because they are doing what they love and being appreciated for it. They are learning and taking big risks and making mistakes and overcoming and being their best.

But you wish it did not have to be so far away from you.

I like manners but thankfully there is no longer just one way for a lady to behave. Click here for some scary quotes on etiquette

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