I have been feeling a few mixed emotions about my upcoming birthday. It is a round and fat number but not in a jolly way. If numbers were people- this number would be crotchety, and wrinkly and unsexy. It would have warts, grey hair, sore joints and limited energy. It would wear flats, and pants with elastic waists and safe colours or tent dresses hiding its shape. It would cut its hair short and be blind without glasses. Little leggy skirts would get passed on to children or young neighbours. It would forget people’s names and re tell boring stories and refuse red peppers because it would be hard on the digestion. It would be sensitive to food, colds  and criticism. It might  be narrow minded and jaded. It would stop believing in love. It would need to let go of childish ways- including the best parts of herself- her playfulness, her teasing, her appetite for life and just  grow up for once and ACT HER AGE.

I am fascinated by that idea that people are sent to you to teach you something precisely at the time you need to learn it. Or at the time you need it. Often we can ignore the obvious or push away the lesson we are supposed to have but it is always right there, knocking at our door when we need it. Three weeks ago, in the planning stages of a high school reunion- I got back in touch with one of my best friends from high school. She pratically lived with us for most of those years but for reasons that seem terrible and lazy now, we lost touch over the years.

She is beautiful, funny  and brave. She has cancer. She came for dinner and looks perfect in that way that is both reassuring and disconcerting because – how could this go on inside of such beauty?

Chemo will start momentarily

She is one year older than me.

FUCK you, 50.

I love my birthday. I love the numbers. They look so alive and pretty and strong  and young and full of hope.

And you, my dear friend, will be just fine. I know it.

I am feeling chatty today so please note I have two stories for you-

1. I have to leave you on a good note- click here for my funny high school reunion story

2. I love this little vid that was sent to me this morning- a little inspiration about intention- click here

**(SORRY MOM about the “F” word. You know how I love a little alliteration)