who knew

                                                      me at the gym 


Just after a pretty good run- I plunked down  beside an old acquaintance in the gym to stretch.

I used to see this woman who is around my age, at church a long time ago when I was a married brunette. I have seen her since here and there, but often when we are on machines and plugged in to music.

First thing that shocked me-

We were talking about something going on in my life and she said ” What does your husband think about that ?”

Somehow she is the last person on earth who does not know.

It made me think of when no one knew, then some knew, then I didn’t know who knew, then I wished everyone knew, then I didn’t care who knew. And then, strangest of all -I forgot what I knew.

I had to tell. This is something I had not done in a long time. Then I had to answer some long forgotten questions “how are your kids (in that context), how are you, how was that for you, how do you manage, how do you feel ?”.

It was so cool.

Of course she apologised for intruding and I said not at all and that I loved it. I am weird that way.

But I had to go up to the attic of my brain by stairs that were strong but hard to pull down, under the cobwebs, beyond the stuff, to the back shelf – and even then I felt like I was talking about something that belonged to an old friend.

Anyway then she began doing something that shocked me even more

the splits

I said

“Do you mind if I take a picture of that and pretend it is me and post it?’


I am shooting a movie starting next week- you will recognize the title- let me know if you want to be a part of it. I have a few openings.



3 thoughts on “who knew

  1. Hi Nancy! Enjoyed reading your posts and just what I need right now. I am 6 months separated with a terrific and very energetic( and at times angry) 10 yr old boy. My husband had an affair with his former girlfriend who lives out of state, and also married with children. I discovered the affair after following up on my gut feelings. After 2 counselors, continued texting etc with the girlfriend, lies, lies and more lies ….I was done. I got a top notch attorney and was on my way. Surprisingly, my husband advised me after the separation, he wanted to give things a try for the sake of our son. However, that gut feeling set in again, afraid to revert back and lose the progress gained, risk more financial setback, and of course heartache. The defining moment was when he told me he would not end things with the girlfriend(who has since left her husband and relocated here to be with my husband), unless I agreed to give things another try(as he confessed he did not want to be alone). So needless to say, i opted to contnue towards divorce. Nevertheless, I still feel tremendous guilt for our son. ( I have read far too many articles concerning negative impacts of divorce on kids. They just tear me apart inside). I also am good at “faking happiness” while at work and around others. So that has helped. I still cry often when alone, but its gotten better. I recently purchased a treadmill to exercise (when I cannot get outside),and found it really elevates my mood when down. Little by little, I’m trying to build a plan to be happy again. Probably way more than you wanted to know.lol! I look forward to your uplifting words! Best, Maureen

    • Maureen
      You are amazing – thank you for sharing with me. Each day will get better, I promise. The treadmill is a brilliant idea- exercise has really really helped me- I really do believe that emotional and physical strength feed off one another. Were you successful in subscribing? I hope so – it is on the right hand side of each page of my blog- I can’t do it for you- there are two steps- let me know if you have problems. I really look forward to landing in your inbox – I am writing for you! Keep going, xoNancy

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