fake it till you make it

 

There are  instances in life where faking it is never something I would recommend.

However, I do believe in faking some things until you make it.

A friend recently asked me how it is I am the happiest person he knows. He alluded to whether it might be an act.

Perhaps he is baffled by the fact that there is enough ‘wrong’ in my life- divorced, single mom, I am not rich or particularly young (although both depend on where you are sitting), my father suffers from Dementia and of course the most disturbing, that I suffer from an incurable, relentless and debilitating addiction to jubejubes. If nothing else brings me down, that surely will.

I have been thinking about this a bit. I think I am happy partly because I am happy, partly because I fear not to be (slippery slope ) and partly because I think when I am down being happy or faking it  can catapult me into a happiness. I know this works. I have proof.

We are  the architects of our own lives and the moods that dwell there. My life is the way I see it, the way I narrate it, the way I weave it. That is so scary at times.The cool thing about your own declaration of happiness is  no one can tell you otherwise. It can baffle them, confuse them, inspire them, even revolt them- whatever. It is is yours to declare.

Severe weather is what we Canadians should expect, embrace and love. And yet we typically just get weather with an anticipation of something worse. I love severe weather. When we do get it I tell anyone who will listen that it is beautiful. I love the reaction. Many think you are unwell.

Severe difficulty is what people want to tell you life will throw at you. When you are excited about something you will often be warned that something severe  will accompany this change. Dating, parenting teenagers, leaving your marriage, getting remarried, renovating your home, leaving your work to pursue a dream, getting older, driving to Buffalo, having Christmas with your family, trying on bathing suits in the winter- any of it. Look at these people and say ” I love it” and it will baffle them and you will love it more, simply through the declaration. Some people want to turn you on your head and try to shake the happiness out of you.

My best friend always says ” I am excellent” when I ask her how she is. And you should hear the tone in her voice. She believes it so thoroughly she could start her own cult. This was the day after she broke her femur, around any time she was dealing with difficulty, even after her first born left her for University, also days she was working through loss, change and self doubt. I think about her everyday in this way. This is quite different from not being able to say – things are tough or to cry easily- she is a master at this as well. But she  knows all of those things are about “being excellent”. She knows saying we are excellent brings us up when we need it.

When my grandmother was 90 she was up for anything and everything. She was deaf and blind at that point but still lived alone with the front door wide open and a smile on her face. She ate and drank anything that was passed to her, always lived and narrated the days of her  life to the best of her ability, had enough challenge, adversity and difficulty to sink a ship but rose to all of it with dignity and grace. She never complained and never explained.

When my kids  and I  kiss goodbye to go off to our days and the sun is just coming up (or when it hasn’t shown its pretty face for days on end) I say “Make the day great” instead of “Have a great day”. I want them to know that everyday is within their power and that what they do with it is up to them. Some days they come home and say ” Mom, how did you make your day great?”

And I better have something excellent to say for myself, after all.

 

So if feeling happy makes us smile, can smiling make us happy? I think so. Take a look at this study on the power of body language and happiness. Or the opposite. Hey  check your posture right now while you are doing it.

 

 

4 thoughts on “fake it till you make it

  1. Nancy: Your writing is extraordinary – what a great talent – along with your art! – and your ability to continually see the best side of life –

    • thank you so much! It is so fun for me that you- who have known me my whole life – read it and like it. Thank you xoxo

  2. Okay … THAT DOES IT … I want to clone you, transform you into a tall man with integrity and some financial security, and then MARRY YOU, over and over again!!! You are the best!!

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