I have just found out that my childhood friend is losing a breast to cancer.

She was my best friend when we were 10-12 years of age. That was when I went from flat as a board to suddenly having the body of a woman.

It scared the wits out of me.

I did not want to grow up.

It was all faster and earlier for me than my friends. I remember hiding my bra and not wanting to look different from my friends. I started hunching my shoulders so no one would notice my figure. I hated the way the older boys started looking at me. And grown men too. Vomit.

Although she was my best friend, I was shy about all of this with her. She still looked like a little girl. I wanted so badly to still  be flat chested. I wanted to run without anything moving. I loathed bra shopping with my mom. I remember the salesperson saying – she does not need a training bra- she is a pro. And laughing. I wanted to punch her.

With time, you grow accustomed and others catch up. And eventually, if you are lucky and good to yourself about your imperfections, you grow to love and respect your body and how it moves and carries clothes and babies and how it responds to touch.

And then it becomes who you are. Your breasts are part of your womanhood. They announce you as much as your other feminine qualities. You love them and need them. Without them you wonder if you would be all there.

And then, some of us, out of the blue, so unexpectedly, are forced to make a choice. A choice for health. And we show the world that we are more than the sum of our parts. A breast is flesh and we are so so much more than flesh.

Still, this would be harder for me than I am willing to admit without sharing vanity. But over and over others show us their grace and strength as truly awe-inspiring.

And this is you.

More thoughts on first bra shopping and our mixed emotions around breasts, by clicking here