Our society loves strength and abhors weakness.
a little tenderness www.artstudioforchildren.com
When someone dies and you cannot or do not cry (much) at their funeral, you are told you are so strong.
You are not strong. And you are not not strong. You are frozen. You are new to the feelings. You are breathing in and out. You are holding your breath. You tucked your grieving into your belt and fastened it tightly, so tightly it almost hurt. You are tired of grieving. You are not sure if you are finished grieving after so many years or have not yet begun. You have promised yourself you would not cry because if you cry your children will try to protect you by not crying and they need to cry. You are someone’s person and you must not rob them of what they can have.
You feel vulnerable. You feel hollow. You feel strong. But it has nothing to do with not crying.
Nancy,
Your words are so powerful and I’m so often moved by them. This one especially moved me as my father is fighting pancreatic cancer (a battle he cannot really win). I’m so sorry for your loss but appreciate your sharing it with us. Your words helped me navigate my divorce and again are helping me navigate these uncharted waters. Hugs…
Lynne
Thank you for commenting, reading and sharing. I am always so grateful to be useful. Wishing you both strength and tenderness at this time. xo
Hi Nancy,
I have been dealing with my own grief for the last 19 months as you know.
I have also heard many times how strong I am.
If I am strong it is because of the wonderful relationship I had with James.
It is because of my two amazing daughters who I am in awe of everyday for their ability to embrace their lives after loosing their father to suicide.
It is because of friends like you who allow me to cry and just be with me knowing they cannot take my sadness away.
Mary- sending love and peace. So so hard. I cannot imagine. Keep going xo
Beautiful and so true – the emotions of grief are so complex and navigating the impact of your grief on loved ones makes it more so. I will pass along to a dear friend who just lost her dad last week. Thanks for this.
I have been staying up late catching up on your blogs chronologically…so much inspiration <3
Thank you Colleen. Keeping people up late is a high compliment! xo
and i wish i had known about your blog a couple of years back but so glad to have it now- it is such a gift. You write so poetically and with so much truth it sometimes overwhelms me!