The fine art of soliciting compliments is extremely difficult to explain but extremely important in light of unsolicited advice. It is not a pleading nor a begging, it is more of a backing into compliments. In fact, if done properly, the person complimenting you will think the compliment was entirely their idea.
Now, don’t misunderstand me, flattery will not change your life, but on a shitty day it can give you a lovely little lift.
Although a beautiful thing said from someone you love and admire is worth noting, don’t underestimate Bernie the furnace guy saying ‘ You are young and beautiful; you will remarry in a jiffy.’ (sounds like a second jiffy divorce but a cute line nonetheless).
Don’t be pathetic with the soliciting of compliments and definitely don’t play the ‘single mother’ card with strangers or friends. You are strong and capable and don’t need pity. However if the stranger has just brought in a new fridge and wants you to carry the old one to the curb-it is time to pull out the ‘single mother’ card. If he is cute and does not have plumber bum, flirt gently for a discount. If no discount, make sure you get a compliment. A good compliment can be better than saving the g.s.t.
good ones said to me- worth saying to friends in difficult times– or accepting from friends when dished out to you–
-you are the strongest person I know (this is not a compliment when it is encouraging you to carrying a fridge out to a curb)
-you are amazing
-I believe in you
-you inspire me more than Oprah
-you should write a book, a mission statement, a song, a poem, a national anthem, a blog (weird idea )
-look what you’ve done (and then they make a list of all that you have done-even the obvious and definitely with embellishment)
-have you lost weight? are you getting younger? you have great personal style, my children want to live with you, my husband loves you, my father says if he were 25 years younger he would be after you.
GIVE IT-here fiction has its place, as does hyperbole, exaggeration and glossing over. Go for it.
TAKE IT-Back yourself into a compliment today- It requires a certain amount of suspending disbelief but if you can get people to tell you daily that you are beautiful and strong you can fire your personal trainer. Think of the cash you will save.