When I found out there was a couple at the be who you are wedding who was married then divorced then married again, I was like a dog to the bone. My friend knew it too and he could hardly wait to point them out to me.
I was dying to ask them a few hundred questions.
I finally got seated in front of the guy at a brunch.
double decker marriage
I was looking for a window in the conversation so I could jump through it.
Finally, How long have you been married?
Well, that’s a long story. Big smile
I like long stories.Big smile.
We were married, then divorced for ten years and then we remarried. Each other.
Holy candy store. Where do I start? I don’t want to scare the guy off.
I am fascinated by this. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
Not at all.
(Most people love talking about themselves. Just ask me)
Was the other person the benchmark that no one else could reach, when you were dating others?
I am not sure. I dated some people I cared deeply about, a few of them dumped me.
Did you never stop loving each other?
Yes and no.
Would you like to expand on that?
No. Only because I don’t understand it myself.
He seemed to revel in the moment he got to tell everyone I am dating my ex wife! The reactions ran the gamut.
Are there new rules and deal breakers?
Oh yes. And most of them are hers.
Are you the same people in the same relationship as you were before or dramatically different?
Dramatically different. We needed that time apart to come back together.
Ok, so I don’t know what I found out. I felt happy and sad. It felt clever and stupid. Strange and sensible. Brave and lazy. Unproductive and productive. Very layered. Fascinating, for sure.
And a theme that will NEVER EVER be mine. (Not sure I needed to say that)
One of my readers, a dear friend who I have immense respect for, has also done this and I would LOVE to interview her and her ex/current partner/father of her kids. Let me know, if you would indulge me, sweet girl. You could vet any draft before publication and kill the whole thing if you decide you don’t like it xo
And for the rest of you- have you ever wondered about getting back with your ex? Ever wanted to?
OR for you married folk, taking ten years off from each other for bad behaviour?
Whoa, settle down. Remember one exclamation mark is powerful. You don’t need to punctuate with three thousand. And upper case is shouting.
I have a close friend who did this. Married. Split when the baby was 2. Got back when the kid turned 7. Still together and the kid is 20 now and they count their wedding anniversaries from the original wedding date (without deducting the 5 years that they had relationships when they were apart).
Truth is stranger than fiction. Or maybe all of our lives are fiction and can be written any way we want 🙂
Truth is totally stranger than fiction! And nothing surprises me any more.
I too left my husband way back after 13 years. We were apart for 15 months and then together for a total of 26 years until he died. It took 15 months to know what you had was what you cherish…A lot of growing in 15 months on both of our parts. They say people can’t change unless they are loosing the thing that means the most to them.
Sue, thank you for sharing this. Very brave to get back together. I would love to hear how that happened. I am happy for you that you did your right thing.
I’m with you Nancy, NEVER! Other than producing my two wonderful sons, the union should never have happened. But oh, the lessons I learned! And hopefully I’ll get many more years to live the fabulous life I’m enjoying now.
Yes lessons, Lynne. PHD level. Tell me what makes your life so wonderful now? I love to hear those details.