never say never

We get on the overnight flight to Paris and VNB (very nice boyfriend) says I booked  the emergency exit/bulkhead seats with this huge amount of space in front in case we want to stretch out and lie on the floor

I looked at him like On the floor? WTF. If you lie on that floor, I will never kiss you again. He is smiling, so maybe he is joking.

I didn’t say anything out loud because of NSN (never say never) factor.

A few hours into the flight I have gone from 5’8 to 7 feet tall. I am all legs and arms and frozen butt. I am Wilt Chamberlain* in Economy Class.

I accept the dinner and eat it happily. I take a tiny corner of a little sleep aid with a decent glass of red.

Within moments I am staring longingly and lovingly at the carpet. I am now pretty sure I have undiagnosed restless leg syndrome.

I am looking super smart and sexy right now. Earbuds in, C shaped oversized, blow up neck support, eye mask and airline blanket.

The floor is inviting me, lights are dim. Suddenly, I am no longer on a flight with hundreds of people. Or at minimum, I don’t care.

I lay the blanket down like I am going to have a picnic and lie down. Blissful.

VNB is snoring upright in his seat like a normal person.

I am fast asleep. I feel someone poking at me and saying Excuse me, miss. I completely ignore her hoping she will decide I am dead and will leave me alone.

She is shaking me now. You can’t do this. She does a Vanna White* sweep across my lifeless body with a big, kind smile.

I wish I was 5. Then she might let me. I am tempted to suck my thumb but I move sadly, back to my seat.

I do sort of  fall back asleep upright and an hour later It’s Breakfast!

When we get to Paris, we find out our flat will not be ready until 5:30. In the afternoon. I might be dead by the afternoon.

Stay tuned for sleeping around part2.

(yikes, all my natural references are from the 70’s)

 

Relax folks. I said nap on the floor. It’s not like it was a scene from Bridesmaids. But hurry and watch this asap.