my fear of the ‘f’ word

I want to apologize to Emma Watson, I did use the F word very recently in a polarizing way.


Feminism has received a bad rap for many years. And part of the reason is how women marginalize each other for their choices and beliefs. Part of the reason is women aren’t always sure what they want in their men. We are a combination of what we learned from our own upbringing, the lousy and great experiences we had that felt gender specific, any discriminating moments that we may race to blame on our sex.

If feminists hate men, I am not one. If feminists feel like victims, I personally do not feel victimized. If feminists are angry, I am not one. If feminists don’t celebrate being feminine, I am marching in a different parade. If feminists want to be the same as men, I am not a feminist.

If feminists want to raise boys and date and marry men who can emote, yes. If feminists believe in equal pay, yes. If feminists insist on control over their own bodies, absolutely. If feminists are demanding freedom, education and respect in the darkest and brightest corners of the world, hand me a soapbox. If feminists race to protect the victimized and terrorized girls and women over the world, hand me a gun, I want to be in that army. If feminists celebrate strength without calling it bitchy and bossy, hallelujah. If feminists embrace men who are sensitive, allow them to cry without finding them sexually unappealing, let’s go.

I like the ‘h’ word. Humanist. It is safer over there under that banner. You know what you are getting. That is my uniting word.

Let’s look at each other like people. Members of the race we call human. We are layered and complicated, different and the same. Women need to stop judging and objectifying as much as men do. We need to be part of the solution.

Take some time to watch Emma’s magnificent, heartfelt, trembling ┬áspeech. It will have you re frame the f word, the h word, and maybe the whole darn alphabet, as it did me. ( Pay attention around 3:18).

To paraphrase her, I remember that my life is a sheer privilege because I am free and thrilled and proud to be a woman, when for too many that is not the case.

If not me, then who? if not now, then when?

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