a decade

Just before I started this blog with great anticipation, I called a meeting with two women, both talented writers, whose work was all divorce related, both 10 years out from their married selves, and I thought to myself I do not want to be about divorce 10 years later. I want to be about life. 

And here I am celebrating 10 years today that my marriage ended.

Each year on this date I marvel at how something amazing and poetic happens. Perhaps it is my singular skill or survival instinct to find the poetic in every day. Today every year I just stop to take  notice.

I take stock, to see the view from up here, to avoid making the same mistakes again and to marvel at the human spirit and what we can do in a life.

Sept 6 2006, I got out of bed having not slept a wink, my ex husband permanently out of the house, my children unaware, the world, those even closest to me, totally unaware. Once I speak it, it will be real, I thought.

I put on something pretty, as my mom says when life is going well- a pretty dress, when life is going badly, a pretty dress. I posed with my girls on the doorstep. First day grade 4, first day grade 7. My oldest walked with a few friends to her new school in a uniform whose arms were too long. I wondered if she would stay there long enough to grow into it.

I walked my youngest through her elementary school playground as we always did.This had been my girls’ school for 8 years so I knew pretty much everyone.  The wind picked up and blew my full pink skirt right up to my shoulders. My undies winked at all the parents. All the teachers. And some of the clinging kids. I did not even flinch.  This exposure was nothing compared to what I was in for. So much of me was still truly hidden from sight.

My puffy eyes stung from crying. I smiled and kissed my baby on the forehead.

And began the darkest, lightest, scariest, hardest, most exciting time of my life.

this is happy

 

4 thoughts on “a decade

  1. So amazed at all you have accomplished and continue to do especially how you bring out the best and so many of us… keep smiling my friend.

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