According to a recent study, divorce is contagious. A University of California study illuminates the apparent infectiousness of divorce, stating that if you have a divorced friend you are 150 times more likely to go that way yourself. Great, just when we finally convinced everyone that we pose no threat- we are about to go the way of the common cold. No one will want us around for fear we are catching.
It reminds me of when I first separated and I was forming a support group as I could not find anyone who felt and sounded like me out there and because all my friends were married. A close friend asked if she could join, because it sounded so cool. I said ‘ummmm, don’t think so, you are happily married’ and she said ‘yeah, I know, but it sounds like fun’.
Once a neighbour said I should have another baby because everyone else was. I found that preposterous and said so- “Buy a pair of boots that everyone has if you want because they are in style, but a baby? I think that one needs to come from me.” Same thing for divorce- this study does not give any of us much benefit of the doubt-you don’t do it because it is in style.
However, the idea that separating will not occur to us in a busy life if it is not mentioned or available as example has some merit. If we are unhappily married and all of our friends are married, we might suck it up a little more. If people around us who are unhappy are splitting, it might give us permission. Or we might see the light at the end of the tunnel through their pioneering. It is the brave one who is the first on the block and the first in their circle of friends to leave when there is no way to make it work.
While there may be a serious honeymoon period following a split (after the sadness has subsided ) it is more about coming back into happiness than absolute glee around being alone and unmarried. I don’t suspect people who are happily split ever try to convert happily married people either. Also, they would get nowhere. A very good marriage is a thing to covet, admire and support in every way. Even envy.
I know because I saw one once.
read what some 21st Century business strategies and raising teenagers have in common on my other blog Flying Solo– the one you also have to read if you want to be my friend
Nancy – can you add the daughter of my friend in Van. To your blog?
She separated a year ago with 2 young children and would benefit from some of your
Back blogs.
Keep it up!
Susan
Sue- please have her subscribe as she needs to do it herself- thank you for the ongoing support! best, n
Wow. Being a single mother of a four year old, and in the process of going through my second divorce, I would give anything to have learned my lesson the first time around. Everyday I hope that I won’t make another bad choice. The idea of it being in style is nauseating. Sounds to me like the money for this study could have been spent more wisely elsewhere.
Nadine- thanks for reading and I wish you the best of luck.n
Since getting divorced in December, so many people (men and women) have confided in me that they are in unhappy marriages or are staying with their “spouse because of the kids” and findhappinessoutside their marriage (obviously the men tell me this). I don’t think divorce is contagious, but I do think people look for help and support and want to know that it’s okay to end a marriage.
After going through all of the pain and emotions, I pretty much tell them to fix what they’re in if they can, because it has to be easier than starting over…
Thanks for always having great posts!
well said Patti- thanks for sharing this