Anyone I have talked to about their split, has mentioned that there were signs before they married that it might not go so well.

Some of us thought it was cold feet.

But the hex is on- firstly we are generally young and naive, life is fairly simple and no real issues have come up. We adore the other person and the whole things is washed with a soft fuzzy lens of well, stupidity at times. It is a magic spell or premarital hex.

I was at my cottage with a group of 8 women a few years ago and there was no water. It was the middle of winter. We are an odd group who favour both daily showering and washing dishes in something more accessible than melted and boiled snow.One friend said -“it was interesting to see how everyone reacted”

In your 20’s you don’t get a chance to see what job loss, infidelity, illness, aging parents, death of a loved one, a major move, a financial hit, and emotional strain has on the union.

My cousin used to take all of his girlfriends winter camping in Algonquin Park. The one who did the best he asked to marry him. A coincidence? Not sure.

According to  a source,  premarital counselling reduces the risk of divorce by 30%.What one person needs is never necessarily what the other needs so the counselling also focusses on asking for what you need.

If you are unsure if you need it in your relationship- ask yourself these questions cited in an article by Steph Auteri-

• Do you know each other’s financial history, and have you worked out a plan for handling finances going forward?

• How important is religion to both of you, and how will you honor your faiths going forward? If you plan to have children, what kind of religious education will they receive?
• What are the differences in how you were raised? How might these differences affect your marriage?
• How sexually compatible are you? What are your expectations when it comes to the bedroom?
• Are you in agreement about plans regarding children? What about careers? Living situation?
• Do you share the same core values?
• What are your expectations of marriage, and does your partner share those expectations?
• How do the two of you handle disagreements?
• How will the two of you negotiate any future roadblocks that may unexpectedly pop up, like job-loss, caring for an ailing parent or financial difficulty?

This last question, is a motivator for me. It is not supposed to sound dark – it is just something that I try to think of when I am living and choosing my behavior. Click here for more about how I feel about “what do you want people to say about you when you die“