I like myself in a kind of a pissed off way – like why didn’t anyone ever tell me each decade is better than the next-but I am well aware of where I fail at the same time.
Some moments I see people doing something so beautiful and thorough and perfect that I wonder if I will be like that in my next life. I am always in a rush, always half doing things, burning things, chipping plates, knocking my hubcap off from rounding the corner too tightly, cutting myself, losing my temper,spilling things, not measuring, falling down, cutting corners, breaking rules, improvising, showing up late, working fast on my feet, never finishing my book club book, I don’t vote because I don’t feel like anyone is telling the truth, I hardly read the paper anymore and now have no idea what is going on in the world. My worst nightmare is someone locking me in a room and drilling me on current events. I KNOW NOTHING ANYMORE.
It is staggering really that I like myself.
anyway
Monday night, my lovely and good friend Annie hosted our annual book club dinner. I would rather die than miss this. I would walk over hot coals, spend a beautiful summer indoors doing long division in a turtleneck and wool pants, go on a diet, do my taxes and yours just for fun- just to get there.
But when I get there I always think the same thing “In my next life.” Never in a bad way but in an I admire your attention to detail, your patience and your dedication way.
Her house is decorated in a way that is so filled with love and creativity that it floods the senses when you walk in. She hands me a glass of red and I don’t speak I just look around and inhale and I could cry it is so beautiful. But full of love and her not ordered up from any magazine or designer.
She served us chestnut soup. She roasted the chestnuts herself. Did you hear me? Roasted the chestnuts herself in the 21st century. Between courses we cleansed our palates with homemade grapefruit champagne sorbet. I raved about this flavour and texture for so long she ran to the kitchen to print the recipe for me.
I smiled and took it and thought “In my next life”.
Where is the recipe for the grapefruit champagne sorbet??
Hi Sue it is in Epicurious on line- let me know if you can’t get it and I will scan and send to you best, n
Oh my goodness Nancy I have the very same nightmare someone drilling me on current events but mine is both present and past and also who all our current political leaders. Its very scary!!!
I thought that was very amusing!
A little self deprecation is always healthy.
I suppose whether its grapefruit and champagne sorbet, or self roasted chestnut soup, there are those things about others we’ll always admire and envy (Nancy, I’m sure MANY envy aspects of your life). Isn’t that part of what makes us all so interesting to one another?
But, I can’t help also considering how your observation speaks to the complexity of our lives. Consider in your brief blog how many day-to-day activities you’ve listed. From the book club, preparing taxes (and that’s when you don’t get audited – what a nightmare that is!), preparing meals for social functions, let alone work, shopping for the food to make the meals, preparing your own meals, cleaning before and then after meals. I’m tired just listing the items I’ve listed and that’s only a fraction. It’s all a haze at the end of the day! It’s nice you can take some respite from this busyness where and when you can.
There’s no doubt our modern lives with all of their “conveniences” have simply gotten way to complicated.
I think about that every time I go to different countries, often developing countries (not the poorest of the poor – that’s unfortunate misery as you suggested in an earlier blog) and I see what seems to be a far less stressed way of life. Yeah, sure many of these locations have a pleasant climate which frees-up a lot of the resources we have to put into surviving our harsh winter climate and yes they don’t have our great health system, don’t drive,maintain and pay for cars like ourselves and don’t maintain, furnish and pay for nice houses with nice furniture and probably don’t eat grapefruit and champagne sorbet, but they often seem less stressed than we are. And, maybe more happy. Who knows maybe its simply because they don’t fuss over their RRSP balances, maybe it’s the safety net from close knit families, maybe they’re just not aware of current affairs because many realize there’s not a thing they can do even if they did follow these affairs.
One thing I have learned is happiness is definiteIy easier found when we live in the present. I read that the average person has somewhere between 35,000 and 65,000 thoughts go through their mind EACH DAY! With that many thoughts running through one’s mind, most HAVE TO BE replaying the past and conjuring-up scenarios for the future. There’s simply not that much happening in the present in a day to occupy that many thoughts. What a waste of brain power that is!
Beautifully put Tom. I am trying to live in the present but it can be very difficult.