“With all due respect ” is one of those phrases which always announces the opposite.

Whenever anyone starts a sentence with this you should interrupt with “please pass the salt”  because it is not going anywhere good. Then comment on how great they look and how well their lives seem to be going.

This tactic can work but often doesn’t because someone trying to hit you with a one two insult punch has long recited it and is licking their lips at the prospect.

Inevitably they will have something really horrible to say to you about your haircolour, your politics, the way that you are raising your people or the way you handled something. Or worse, something you did not know that you should have long ago.

If you have not successfully changed the subject, you could try breathing deeply or picturing them as the opposite gender to who they are, or naked, rendering them human and as vulnerable as you are in that very moment. If you might find them attractive naked better to not resort to this as it will only further disarm you.

Other clear introductions to insult or injury include, with a condescending tilt to the head , a frown or scowl and a squint to the eyes “I have been meaning to tell you” “it is time you and I had a chat” “what could you have possibly been thinking?” or “I heard some gossip about you the other day”.

There are phrases I love to hear too like ” I miss you” or “you made a difference” or “has anyone ever told you you look like (*insert famous fab person who resembles you not but who cares*)? But I also really have come to love the phrase “I hope thisis not too forward of me “. LOVE that. Click here to read why forward is my favourite direction