I run into women all the time -my age- who have had the same mind blowing, mind expanding and, let’s face it, mind numbing experience of both childbirth and the never ending gorgeous task of raising human beings. This is, bar none , the most wonderful and impactful work on earth. Our children are our contribution to the human race of our best work . Nonetheless, parenting is dramatically undervalued, cannot be scientifically measured, is openly criticized and not terribly appreciated. Many of these incredible women are now working in little retail shops. They always say the same thing to me apologetically, “it gets me out of the house”. How can you go from performing miracles to choosing something that ‘gets you out of the house” ? I have no problem with anyone doing anything but either love it and declare it or leave it.
In many ways, society has told us that motherhood is not enough, that it is thankless and impossible to save yourself in the process. For me motherhood was the first thing ever in my life that I really felt I did exceptionally (loaded with countless errors and moments of freakish emotion). I have felt very conspicuous at times for how much I have truly loved being a mother. Motherhood created a template for doing other things well. I had a big taste of risk and scary and important and I got hooked. I did not lose myself in it- it, more than anything, helped to define me.
Recently, one of my little artists, said “Nancy, you made up your job didn’t you?” Most of the time the children think I don’t work because it looks like so much fun and lacks the serious deep sighs of adulthood.
Make up your own job. Don’t do anything just to get out of the house. If you love that little shop and being there, admit to it. Loving what you do is worth declaring- whether it is motherhood, accounting, making lattes at Starbucks or putting the snake down my drain to see why it is clogged. Nobody needs to understand why but you.
Of all the things we could teach our children, doing what we love and loving what we do is lesson #1.
This is what we want for them. Serve yourself first.
Beautiful. For too long in the blogging world and outside world women struggled to say “I am a mother” without concern that it translated somehow as smug, defeated, better-than-non-mothers, backward, evolved or whatever other associations society currently drapes over the role of child-bearers.
I used to worry when people asked me if I was still at home with my kids, that they always were implying that I was some kind of simpleton who could not find a job post-babies or that I felt had taken for granted my priviledge not to have to work for money.
This post really liberated me of those hangups. My perceptions are all that I can control. I don’t have to have a reason or excuse. I simply accept it is where I need to be for now, for me and for my girls.. Thanks Nancy!
I stayed at home with my three boys, now 10 (twins) and 7 until this year when I realized that following our separation I would need to work. I loved staying home with my children but also felt that I was often judged by others as doing nothing more than hanging out with the kids. I remember taking my boys to the park for a picnic along a creek with my mom and when their father called he said to me…”oh, so you are taking the day off then.” I remember the hurt, as though giving my children experiences that would enrich their lives was equivalent to taking the day off. Many times prior to separation he would say to me “if only you worked I would respect you more.” I was and remain a wonderful mother providing my children with every experience I can so as to raise thoughtful and insightful children but so often being a stay at home mom is not recognized. I am proud of my job as an RN in a clinic and I often tell my boys just how much I love it but most importantly I tell them that there is nothing better in the world than being their mom.
kim- thank you so much for sharing. Stay positive and keep in touch- I wish you well-best, nancy