As the biting cold and wicked wind took my driver side car door and bent it backwards preventing it from opening properly, I tried to breathe deeply and recall my perturbation theory.

Serious unladylike golf language came easier, actually.

I have been developing a theory for a while as I witness both remarkable and poor behaviour around me. And at times, in me.

It is based on the idea that both joy and growth come from taking on more life. The more life you take on the more you are likely to experience volume of perturbance.

The more perturbance you experience the more likely you are to endure, embrace and even calmly draw joy from that which might have otherwise tackled you to the ground.

Throw in some perspective and a little chant I call things could certainly be far, far worse and you may find yourself letting difficulty slide off you.

I had a series of unfortunate events last week and yet a struggle that was far more difficult than all that, was presented to me and it made everything else shrink.

If I can’t find perspective, I frequently draw on my perturbance role models.

Imagine just before Christmas my best friend and her family were flying to Hawaii. They were stuck at the airport due to weather. Then finally when their connecting flight was called to the gate they were so intertwined; legs, arms everywhere, chatting, laughing, hugging and catching up (empty nesters understand this huge crave when babies return home) that they missed their flight.

Around that time I had reached out to say~

Have you reached destination, are you lying on the beach drinking slurpy drinks, listening to the waves or body surfing laughing faces off ?

Nope. We are still at the airport. Missed our connection. Having an absolute blast.

No one was dying. The people she loves most were right there. No one has cancer. No one is sick.  No one is in danger. She experienced all of that in 2013.

This is her difficult gift. She makes use of it.

What is a little delay? What is a car door?

We have all witnessed someone throwing a tantrum over some gorgeous luxury that has been interrupted. It is life presenting to you how not to ever be.

If everything is too easy, you will get rattled by the smallest things. If everything works perfectly, with no tension or difficulty, the truly inconsequential will agitate you.

Sometimes we feel life is conspiring to take us down.

But what if we see it as secret training?

If difficulty makes us stronger and our joy deeper, maybe we need to thank life for the opportunity to flex our muscles.

you will hit big waves, drop your paddle but your attitude is always yours