There are really few people who can speak to this with the enlightenment and honest scope and candour, as Victor Frankl, who wrote the book by the same name. It has an obvious universal theme that helped sell over 9 million copies-it takes a stab at why we are here.
Renowned neurologist and psychiatrist, Frankl, developed “logotherapy” which claims that it is the striving to find a meaning in one’s life that is the primary motivating force for humans. He wrote about his experience in death camps to “convey to the reader by way of concrete example that life holds potential meaning under any conditions, even the most miserable ones”. He found that when everything could be taken from you-your home, your possessions and your loved ones-your soul could not be. My favourite image is of the potato that is sewn into the hem of his robe which was his to give away when he came across someone needing it. Someone needing something more than him. A soulful and most generous act in the middle of Hell.
This echos through my mind-“it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us ” So the meaning in life in general is less the point-it is what we need to do at any given juncture.
There are moments even now when I am melancholy about what my family life is no longer- those Father’s days when the Father of my children is not beside me in bed to be surprised by us all or that aching feeling when we get a family picture taken and there are three girls and only three girls and nothing else to anchor it the beautiful way a man can, or the abrupt and final stop and restart in our photo albums.
But I realize that none of that is promised or guaranteed and somehow all we have is the attitude that we choose. It is not about being married, staying married or having a specific job, your health or the ever elusive key to happiness. It is the essence of your soul plopped in the middle of everything and your attitude as you fumble through life.
The last of human freedoms
is to choose one’s attitude
in any given set of circumstances
-Victor Frankl
I really like the idea of what we need to do at any given juncture rather than bemoaning that what we expected from life has not happened. My life is not as I expected 20 years ago when I exchanged marriage vows, I did not expect emotional abuse and such unhappiness, but it is what I do with my life now which counts.
inside my wallet is a piece of paper that reads “if it is going to be, it is up to me”. It sounds as if you can relate to that as well. I am eager to hear if you have left this difficult situation and how your life is now
I kicked him out last September after he tried to abandon my children when I was out of the country (left a suicide note but wasn’t able to act on it as the police were called). He is blocking the divorce proceedings but the decree nisi (UK law first part of the divorce) will be granted in two weeks. I just have to be patient but it is very difficult.
hang in there. Stay strong.Keep moving things forward. It must be very difficult. Ask for help. best-n.
I met Victor Frankl in Toronto at U of T… a humble frial man but power of the spirit was there for sure. I often rely on his words that the only freedom is the freedom to think…no one can take that away. I am also reminded of what Nelson Mandela said to OPrah Winfrey when she asked him how he could forgive the 27 yrs of imprisonment. He said ” I had 27 yrs to think”…Be real..feel what you feel but think positive thoughts and action will be possible for healing and full life.
YOu are an amazingly real person with strenght and courage…take care…
“a chance to think” – I just love that. Imagine looking at 27 years in prison that way. These people are truly inspiring. Thank you for tuning in and commenting Mary- I do hope to meet you when you are next in Toronto through our mutual friend Barb.