When you date after separation you may date the carbon copy of your X. It can be spooky the way you see a man marry a perfect copy of his first wife. Peculiar too because they went to all that trouble and pain to get just the same thing. Sometimes she too is looking to replace that man she once had.
Equally frequent but not as surprising, you may date/marry someone who is the exact opposite to your first husband/ wife.
If your husband was adoring you may date someone who acts as though if you stepped off the edge of the planet they would not bat an eye. If he was affectionate, you might date a cold fish. If he was artistic maybe you will be drawn to an accountant. If he was a banker you might seek out a comedian, a musician or an unemployed poet. If he never told you that you were beautiful, you might love a man full of praise. If he took care of everything, you might look to take care of someone. If she overly nurtured and was predictable and steady, you might love a woman who is a free spirit and a loose cannon.
This opposite has a safety to it and an intrigue. It is not what you once knew, not what took you down the last time.
A woman I know was married to a very handsome man with some nasty traits and habits. When she first began dating she was drawn only to the ugly. Their physical unattractiveness protected her in a most unusual way. She found a beauty in each , as you do, until finally her friends said ” Jo, you don’t have to date ugly men, attractive ones will not necessarily hurt you”.
Sometimes you hide behind a relationship with limitations because it is so safe there, where it will never be asked of you to give more than you can or more than you are ready to.
Sometimes you believe your heart is wide open and trusting until you find out that maybe it is not quite so.
Sometimes that is your very worst fear, that it might be broken after all,that the X footprint on your heart is indelible and irreversible.