Once upon a time I was married.
Once upon a time I was sad.
Once upon a time I was scared and lonely.
Once upon a time I was private.
Then I separated
at first I hid a little
And then I did a very un-private thing.
I started a personal blog
On my birthday a few years ago, after much writing and reflection, I sent out this BLOG- with the name I always wanted for it, to my entire contact list. If I came across a name of a person I thought would judge me/it harshly, I pushed myself to send it to them. If I came across someone who might find it foolish, I included them as well. It is not enough to share your art with people who love you- you must send it to those who might think you are a bit of a jerk too.
With my link I sent a note
” Today is my birthday and sending this to you is a gift to myself. If it is brave to be born into the world with what we know of it then this is the second bravest thing I have ever done on my birthday. I have been working on my blog on separation and divorce for several months now and it has already enriched my life, both meeting wonderful people and learning a tremendous amount. Far from perfect, my blog carries a big wish- to create a community for people new to this tremendously difficult situation many find themselves in, as well as to further create understanding and compassion in those not going through this life change.
It is about how hope endures, humour saves us and moving things forward can make all the difference in the world. Hopefully not just a message for the split- as we are all struggling with something”
After I pressed “send” I burst into tears. Half happy, half relieved. Extremely moved. I had had a dream to do this since 2006 – 6 months after I separated from my husband of many years. Within 24 hours I had more than 1000 hits- some definitely attributable to what I refer to as “roadkill curiosity”. I had appeared positive and intact throughout my breakup, never negative, never down on my luck, never public in any way about what had happened.
Mainly though, I felt my own power, the thrill of creative endeavour, new learning and what sharing my private self might do other than horrify me.
I never thought I would write about me. After all, who cares? But I have come to realize that ME is really WE and we all long to understand.