a good daughter does not delay
she goes to her dad every day
she sits by his side and holds his hand
she tells him stories he won’t understand
she sings to him
she hugs him too much
she tells him she loves him
and adores him with touch
Tag Archives: aging parents
I miss you, dad
Today I went to visit my dad in his LTC facility and he was eating a tuna sandwich.
I said “What on earth are you doing, Dad? I have known you my whole life and you have always refused tuna sandwiches. You told me they were for vacuous broads.”
He kept eating.
This was upsetting. He has stopped drinking coffee -he loved coffee. Stopped playing tennis and squash. Stopped swimming. Stopped writing and reading. He stopped working. He stopped engaging- and had always been an incredible listener and captivator. He stopped driving. He stopped dressing himself. He stopped living with my mom. It appears he has stopped walking. He has stopped saying things that made us laugh.
Today he could not remember my name. And he was eating a tuna sandwich.
should kids get trophies just for showing up? check out my latest post and let me know what you think by clicking here
how am I doing?
This is a different question to ask but an excellent one. The funny thing about being ourselves is that we have a terrible time with objectivity on how we ourselves are doing.
Truth be known, in times of stress,distress, challenge or even good fortune, we must ask this question. Advice must never be requested by someone we do not admire or someone who does not know us really really well. They must be good people who only want what is best for us but who will not beat around the bush. Tell me what I don’t want to hear, is a good place to start.
Asking “how am I doing?” is not a grab for flattery from a lack of self confidence, but rather a sign of great confidence. By opening ourselves up to criticism, we are affirming we want to be our best and check ourselves at every difficulty or change of staus quo.
Tiger and Brittany can’t ever seem to get the straight goods on themselves. They likely don’t ask and their people are loathe to tell the costly truth.
I learned about this question from one of my leading mentors-my mom. When my father was diagnosed with Dementia 11 years ago, they decided together, his faculties, self respect and ego very intact at that point, to not tell anyone. He did not want to be enabled or pitied. With time it became her lonely burden carrying an emotional and physical strain. She was impossibly graceful, strong, hopeful and joyful.
Earlier this month, on his 77th birthday to be exact, he was moved into a long term care facility. He will not go home.
She was a daughter and then with a wedding and a short car ride, a wife of 50 years, with dogs (unwanted), children (wanted-mainly), grandchildren (extremely wanted), goldfish, turtles, hamsters and a winter of mice.
She has never once lived by herself until now.
She frequently asks “how am I doing?”
Spectacularly beautifully.
check out my other blog post on COMING HOME by clicking on this.