I run into women all the time -my age- who have had the same mind blowing, mind expanding and, let’s face it, mind numbing experience of both childbirth and the never ending gorgeous task of raising human beings. This is, bar none , the most wonderful and impactful work on earth. Our children are our contribution to the human race of our best work . Nonetheless, parenting is dramatically undervalued, cannot be scientifically measured, is openly criticized and not terribly appreciated. Many of these incredible women are now working in little retail shops. They always say the same thing to me apologetically, “it gets me out of the house”. How can you go from performing miracles to choosing something that ‘gets you out of the house” ? I have no problem with anyone doing anything but either love it and declare it or leave it.
In many ways, society has told us that motherhood is not enough, that it is thankless and impossible to save yourself in the process. For me motherhood was the first thing ever in my life that I really felt I did exceptionally (loaded with countless errors and moments of freakish emotion). I have felt very conspicuous at times for how much I have truly loved being a mother. Motherhood created a template for doing other things well. I had a big taste of risk and scary and important and I got hooked. I did not lose myself in it- it, more than anything, helped to define me.
Recently, one of my little artists, said “Nancy, you made up your job didn’t you?” Most of the time the children think I don’t work because it looks like so much fun and lacks the serious deep sighs of adulthood.
Make up your own job. Don’t do anything just to get out of the house. If you love that little shop and being there, admit to it. Loving what you do is worth declaring- whether it is motherhood, accounting, making lattes at Starbucks or putting the snake down my drain to see why it is clogged. Nobody needs to understand why but you.
Of all the things we could teach our children, doing what we love and loving what we do is lesson #1.
This is what we want for them. Serve yourself first.
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