Tag Archives: asking for help and getting a bit of it

whole when the dust settles

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I have told all of you, especially in my earliest posts, about the kindness and generosity that overwhelmed me when I first separated. It seemed to last forever. I accepted all of it and was grateful for it. It taught me so much about giving and taking.

One day, almost suddenly, it seems, it stops.Probably around the one year mark (I am sure I was luckier than most). No more casseroles at the door, no more calls in that way, no more longer than usual hugs, no more tiptoeing around you because you are tender. People start telling you their problems and they don’t preface it by saying-sorry this is nothing compared to what you are going through, they tell you when you have pissed them off, they no longer say you look really  pretty even when you look like you have been run over by a bus, brothers tease again, people ask you for a price break in your business, and intelligent people look right at you and say , when their husbands are away, ” I am on my own this week so I am overwhemed/immobilized going crazy.”

You nod and say, without an ounce of irony, that must be so hard. And you mean it.

They see you whole and competent. And your story loses all its spectacular shine and shock value.

And you are so grateful for it.

Someone was kind to me on Sunday in a way that really felt like help. Maybe it will sound like a small thing but it felt HUGE. I am still thinking about it. Click here to read about it

ask and you shall receive

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Rachel’s self portrait www.artstudioforchildren.com

“Ask and you shall receive”

I made a resolution in January  to get better at something that I am not good at- public speaking. As with most things in life- that which we do seldom ,we do most poorly. In my work I dont give any presentations- except maybe to little people- so I have very little practice.

It is funny about wanting something. Sometimes all you have to do is say to yourself that you want it, write it down and open yourself up to it. And voila.

After no occasion to public speak for at least the last 12 years- I got two knocks at my ‘door’ since my ask.

In January, I was asked to speak about finding my passion. And last week I was asked to speak about starting  my business and how it came to be. In both cases I did not want to do it because of fear.

In both cases I said yes.

What things are you fearful of  that you are saying yes to?

It was not easy for sure. Read about how it is like being fed to wolves by clicking here

angry beaver

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I went to a very fun Christmas party a few days ago. This the  kind of party you could stay at for a couple of days-everyone alive and sparling like little ornaments on a Christmas tree. Dancing, carousing, telling secrets, stepping outside of themselves through a combination of the goodness of the holidays looming  and potent crantinis being poured with seasonal recklessness.

So many interesting people filled the room. Years of asking how people are when you see them makes you want to really listen to the answer. Few people have the courage, especially at this time of the year, to answer honestly.

We want to be seen a certain way; happy, engaged, beautiful, alive, successful, wanted. All of  it. Married people have a pressure too- only it is different. I am not sure that  they have to defy gravity, accounting and age the way us single folk do.

Anyway I was catching up with a divorced  friend I rarely see and I was asking her how she was. Really.

She said

” I am ok.”

So honest.

I looked at the expression on her face. Okay was clearly a euphemism for being dragged behind  an SUV on a gravel road.

I said “Tell me”

She told me of her difficulties. She said “you know, I want to answer honestly and quite frankly I am not sure I could fake the emotions of these days, but at the same time I really don’t want to be seen  as the angry beaver.

 Oh yes, we all know if we let the angry beaver out of the cage she may take over.

Brilliant. (Funny). Honest. Raw.

I toast you. You know who you are.

It will get better. xxx

So what happens on a first date? I find almost without exception the man will spill the beans and tell you every single unsavoury or imperfect thing about himself . I mean you are not asking it just comes pouring out- click here to read spilling the beans