Tag Archives: sadness

what do you say?

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what do you say when someone is suffering?

what do you say when they are not well?

what do you say when you are not sure they can hear you?

what do you say when they are next to you but far away?

what do you say when they are or may be  aware of their present limitations?

what do you say when you can’t say it will be ok?

You tell them you love them

You tell them they are loved by so many

You remind them of what they have taught you and others

You remind them of the impact that they made

You remind them of the power they once had and how it is enduring

You thank them for what they have given you

You hold their hand

You touch them

You kiss them

You say I love you again

 

 I may be stating the obvious but we need to talk about LOVE seeing how it is Valentine’s Day- specifically loving that most important person in your life today and everyday- click here for the 5 step program to LOVE

 

I am the little girl

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Everytime I go see my dad everyone thinks I am my mom

Including my dad

“Oh, Judy” he always says to me. “I love you”

Everyone there will smile and ooze at me , they all love my mom, the way she brings the sunshine in and touches everyone even the forgotten and the unresponsive

I don’t do that. I am a little angry under the surface when I am there. I am sorta friendly but not as much as I am in the other world where people are well. Maybe I am not  a good person after all.

I am even a little suspicious. Are you good to him?

and then I have to say- if only because I have no idea who they are and what our inside jokes and understandings might be

“I am Fraser’s daughter”

Oh your mom, the staff say, she is so lovely and strong and it is always said to me when I have eyes so full of tears, not yet on my cheeks but don’t push it, if you are too kind or gentle with me they will spill everywhere. It might be messy.

And I feel like saying-

“Don’t you see, I am the little girl. I am just the little girl. It is not my turn yet to be so grown up. I am not my mom, I am not that strong yet. I need more time.”

And then I think of my friends who have lost parents and I think- get a grip, be a big girl. Sometimes I can sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I think he has taken one for the team to bring us all up a little. Click here for this thought I am entertaining to try to cope with the whole thing

my place

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She had some very distressing news yesterday. We spoke by phone and got cut off as she cried like a little girl. By the way, when we say “cried like a little girl” in reference to a woman crying it is never ever a negative. I always find it terrible that men are raised to think a good cry is unmanly. It is required for good health, as far as I am concerned.

We could not reconnect after the broken telephone moment. But she was on my mind all day.

At the end of my day- around 9 o’clock – I got into my car and went to her house. I did not ask permission, I did not forewarn.

As I approached I saw the house was dark. She is an early riser and sometimes gets into bed early. I did not need to respect the darkness or the hour or her  personal space. I knew I could go inside.

I found the hidden key. I went in quietly and found her in her dimly lit bedroom on the phone crying with a family member.

I hugged her and got into bed beside her. We cried and talked for an hour or more. I held her face, it looked so little and beautiful. She seemed so young. I wanted to mother her.

Her daughter came in to give more kleenex- they know how we are when we are together.

She asked me about some light stuff outside of the dark stuff. She was asking me to make her laugh. We have always done this for each other.  I did not let her down. We laughed so hard her girls came in thinking it was, you know, crazy unstable  crying.

When I left I felt so happy that I knew my place. I could be right in the middle of her life and not be intruding. I don’t need to think before I do with her or before I am with her.

I hope all of you have this in someone. It is the most wonderful thing on earth. You are never lonely, never afraid and never redundant.

Seeing her is a reward for hard work- one of my treats- do you live this way too? Giving yourself the reward of fresh flowers, great company or even your own quiet company when you have worked hard? Click here for how I reward myself